I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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