Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
