I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
