its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
