Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
