Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
