I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
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I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
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Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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