I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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