You smell like a Billy Joel song
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
