he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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