Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
