i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
