hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
