you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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