Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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