i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
