Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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