oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
