Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
So many bounce houses so little time
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
