You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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