My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
