I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
