so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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