you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
organizing the empties. That sober.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Sorry about my life...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
