if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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