Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
