Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
