So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I hope mine doesn't look like that
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
tonight lets celebrate not being married
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He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
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So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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