Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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