We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
