Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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