Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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