I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
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He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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