Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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