i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
