What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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