what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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