Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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