a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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