Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
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she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
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Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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