and you said cock pushups were impossible
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
