just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
