this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
