Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The beers last night were like the tears from god
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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