just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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