I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Mom said you looked used
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
