he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
