I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
