Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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