He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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