ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
