I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
