I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
