mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Randomize
