How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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