and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
