I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
