I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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