My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
