When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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