I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
