Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
operation have a gay friend backfired
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
