i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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