Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
