im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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